SO Harry Potter
by Spunkz the wacked out Spaz
Summary: Harry and his little depot are bored. Hermione, who is reading the autobiography of a TV presenter, comes up with an idea. Why doesn't Harry go on work experience? Dumbledore (foolish man!) has given them permission to host SO Harry Potter! at weekends, b
1. Copy Graham Norton? But he's gay!

Disclaimer: I don't own any charas, they are all courtesy of the lovely J.K.R. *holds up sign saying I LOVE YOU JKR!* and the plot is based on a real English TV chat show that was last screened about. a year ago. It's been replaced by a new series, with the name V. Yes, anyone from England should be able to guess what I'm referring to here... it's the lovely, So Graham Norton! (well, it's V Graham Norton now)  
  
Note: Being Graham Norton doesn't exist. There is a rumor that Graham IS going to write an autobiography, because he thinks all the other efforts about his life are crap (to put it bluntly), but I can't clarify that.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"God, I'm bored." Said Harry. He was in his sixth-year, and lounging in the Gryffindor Common Room with his friends Hermione and Ron.  
  
"Harry, surely there must be something to do!" Whined Ron. He had been trying to make a card castle out of Wizard Cards but had stopped when one of his 'Blind Io' cards had made a very rude gesture at him.  
  
Hermione was silent. Her being engrossed in the new autobiography, Being Graham Norton (by Graham Norton, as it IS an autobiography) may have had something to do with this.  
  
"Why is there nothing to do?" Harry cried, kicking an indiscreet plastic... THING... that the Dursleys has sent him for Christmas.  
  
"Why don't you go on work experience?" asked Hermione, tearing her eyes away from Chapter 3: Gay Bars I Have Known (hidden joke there, sorry.)  
  
"What?" asked Harry, not sure he'd heard properly.  
  
"Work experience. I was reading this book by Graham Norton, you know, that TV guy?"  
  
"No, Hermione, I wasn't allowed to watch TV."  
  
"I think I know who you're on about!" Said Ron happily. "That really weird Muggle camp guy? Irish? Weird hair which is now dyed blonde? Rude and somehow really nice?"  
  
"Yeah, him."  
  
"Oh, HIM!" said Harry.  
  
"Try to keep up."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Why can't we do a kind of Hogwarts thing of that? You know his previous series, So Graham Norton? I mean, it's V Graham Norton now, but why don't we do a thing of So Harry Potter?"  
  
"Yeah, come on Harry! It'll be so fun! We can interview the teachers and still get on with life!"  
  
"Well.... alright, but we'll have to ask Dumbledore."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dumbledore's Office~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Please, Professor?"  
  
Dumbledore grinned.  
  
"So you are asking me if you can host an Inter-Schule chat show on weekends called So Harry Potter based on the previously run So Graham Norton from Channel 4?" He asked. Harry marvelled he could fit it all in one sentence.  
  
"Yes, Professor."  
  
"What would it be in aid of?"  
  
"Boredom fighter, interview students and Professors...current teaching company excepted, naturally."  
  
"Oh, no, I would be quite happy for you to interview me. Mind, you would have to get on with your school work as well..."  
  
"I know Professor. Can I?"  
  
"I don't see why not, Harry."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Harry ran out of the Common room to break the news to Hermione and Ron. Dumbledore sat down, smiling and trying to ignore the raging part of his brain that was accusing him of being suicidal.  
  
So he was suicidal. So what? SO Harry Potter.  
  
Ok, you viewer people. It's your vote. Who is interviewed? YOU decide (Big Brother spoof, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist)  
  
This does have a plot, btw, and will have maybe a bit of angst later. It isn't just a random chat, it works towards Harry CAREER later in life. 


	2. Severus Snape, you say? My my, will we s...

SEE HARRY POTTER PERFORM A LIVE INTERVIEW WITH PROFESSOR S. SNAPE IN HIS NEW SERIES SO HARRY POTTER! SATURDAY, 10:30PM IN THE MAIN HALL!  
  
The posters were up all over the school. Hermione had charmed them so whenever someone mentioned the word 'Snape' they appeared on the wall in front of them.  
  
The Great Hall was packed full with students. Even Slytherins, who had been grasped by the fact that their Head of House had agreed to do an interview with, of all people, Harry Potter.  
  
Backstage, the atmosphere was tense. The last rehearsal had just finished and Snape was prowling round cursing the flower arrangements and muttering. Ron had just finished helping Harry into a particularly bright suit when Snape noticed and went over.  
  
"I have to do an interview with that?" He asked in sheer disbelief. Harry had on a bright red, black, yellow, blue and green swirl shirt with black trousers. He looked like a gay.  
  
"You agreed, Professor." Hermione answered, walking past.  
  
"I swear that you will pay for this, Potter." Snape growled. There was something about it that worried him. He was sure they hadn't given him all the details...  
  
"Harry! You're on in five!" Dean hissed. He was acting director, with Hermione as Executive Director. Seamus was cameraman.  
  
Dumbledore had requested it be videoed, so he could keep it in the school archive for years to come. Harry dreaded the thought.  
  
Seamus held up a hand.  
  
"Three minutes. Go ahead, use your voice!" Harry mumbled. The introduction music started from the charmed tape player.  
  
The curtain drew briefly and Harry ran out onto stage, holding a magical microphone.  
  
"Hello! Welcome to this week's show!" He shouted above the polite applause from the audience. It was a trial run, no one really knew what to expect.  
  
"Thank you, thank you very much." Harry grinned. "And now, news updates. It seems that Muggles in Britain have decided to keep the pound and not go to the Euro."  
  
"There was a big fuss between Prime Minister Tony Blair and one of his cabinet members about whether or not to join a growing community linking all the countries in Europe with a single currency. Current members include France, Germany and Greece. I suppose that Tony Blair didn't really want to join, because he doesn't have very many friends. The French and Germans hate him after the war in Iraq, the English threaten to decapitate him if he scraps the pound and he can't speak Greek."  
  
"All in all, your basic mutant chimp."  
  
There were a few laughs.  
  
"Moving on, moving on. Writer J K Rowling admitted today to be in tears, yes, ladies and gentlemen, in tears after she killed off one of the characters in her fifth book. But, you would expect her to know, wouldn't you! I mean, she's writing it! It would be a bit stupid, really, if she was reading something else while typing!  
  
'Hmm, interesting cookery book, what did I just type? OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD!'"  
  
Most of the room cracked up.  
  
"No one knows who dies yet, but I'll let you in on a secret." Harry continued, leaning conspiratorially closer. The audience waited expectantly.  
  
"I don't give a shit."  
  
Everyone except one or two Slytherins burst out laughing by the joke and surprise that he was allowed to swear.  
  
"That's enough from me!" Grinned Harry, pointing at his watch. "Look at the time! I must get a guest on!"  
  
He ran off into the curtains while the audience clapped.  
  
Harry came back out from the curtains, wearing a black cloak over his novelty suit and a blonde wig and stirring a cauldron. He waited for the clapping to die down before continuing.  
  
"Hello there." He said, in a falsely high voice. "I'm Professor Fanny Kimble. I'm just preparing a special potion of mine. I like to call it Fanny Juice."  
  
The audience giggled drunkenly.  
  
"It's very good for hydration and tastes very nice if it's done right. Hang on, let me check."  
  
Harry dipped his finger in to taste the mixture.  
  
"Ugh. Maybe tonight's guest will be able to prepare it better. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome PROFESSOR SEVERUS SNAPE!!!!"  
  
Harry shed his black cloak and walked over to two seats, standing near the one at a right angle to the audience. Some creepy music played and Snape walked down a catwalk-type-path. Dumbledore had told him not to ruin the evening with his bad temper, and he seemed in quite a good mood.  
  
"Professor Snape is here!" Harry said, leading Snape to the seats. Snape sat. Harry sat...  
  
...and the lights went down for the interval.  
  
Right, reader participation here, please. QUESTIONS! Questions you want Harry to ask Snape. I can't make any promises that all will be used, but the ones that I think will go down well I will put.  
  
Note: None of these remarks or comments are made to cause offence. Please do not take it personally that I wrote words like fanny. This is a warning. Words such as fanny and references to sex will be made throughout the entire story. If you are easily offended, please do not continue reading.  
  
:) muchas gracias. (that means thank you) 


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